If a loved one tells you they have to get to work, although they haven’t had a job in years, calmly say, “I was thinking…” and then launch into some detail about a job they once had. What to say instead Instead, math pages 3rd grade Waugh encourages people to use a phrase from the title of her book, “I was thinking…” as a starter to encourage memories.
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“Diana also taught me how to answer questions when my mother wonders where my father is,” Qualls said. Diana taught me to enter my mom’s world instead of trying to bring her into my reality.”
But if you make them mad by telling them “no,” they’ll be mad for the rest of the day, she says. If you can divert the conversation instead, the person will likely forget the diversion in five minutes and happily move on. “‘No’ doesn’t do a darn bit of good,” she says, explaining that the word only angers the loved one.
It can also be helpful to show photos to your loved one, but “make sure they’re old photos,” Waugh warns. A new great-great-granddaughter may be cute, but it’s unlikely a person with cognitive loss will have any idea who that baby is.
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What did they like to taste? Her slim book has a number of workbook pages where she encourages people to write down memories they can bring up with their loved one. Tap into long-term memory That’s exactly why Waugh encourages caregivers to tap into their loved one’s long-term memory whenever possible.
If it suddenly occurs to them they’ve lost a loved one — even if that happened years ago, you might start off with “I was thinking…” and then relate a happy memory about that loved one’s pie-baking skills.
By saying “no,” the caregiver is hoping, she says, to bring the person back to reality by denying their “erroneous thinking.” But the person they love is living in their own reality, and the caregiver will need to keep saying “no” over and over again, increasing stress on the relationship.
These kinds of stories might hit home with someone who’s almost certainly beginning to notice problems. Instead, she suggests telling them about a scary incident you recently experienced on the roads, or claim you recently got lost while driving. You might also be able to convince them a family member needs to use their car for a while, just to have an excuse for why it’s suddenly inaccessible.
The memories simply can’t stay put. Short-term-memory drawer has no bottom Waugh explains that your loved one’s memory has two “file drawers” — short-term and long-term memory. But the file drawer that should collect short-term memories has no bottom. The items in long-term memory are generally still accessible.
Since then, Waugh has published a short book, I Was Thinking: Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones With Cognitive Loss. She’s spoken to countless caregivers, and produced numerous videos explaining her approach.
If she thought she was watching 60 Minutes on a night it wasn’t on, I was not about to disagree with her. I knew how hard that was for her, how she became frustrated to the point of tears when she couldn’t make herself understood. But Alzheimer’s had robbed her of her focus, and often her words.
She’d had Alzheimer’s disease for a number of years, and making a call on her smartphone was getting tough for her. So I was surprised to see her name pop up on my screen, calling me on a random Thursday night in the fall of 2021. I’ll never forget the last real conversation I had with my late mother-in-law, Grace.
In her world, she was watching a “nice couple” on 60 Minutes on a Thursday night, and I knew enough about her dementia to try to enter the world she inhabited. Every day, I’m thankful I agreed with her during that phone call.
Her business, Waugh Consulting, focuses on giving caregivers and family members the tools to communicate with loved ones suffering from dementia. ‘I’ve got your back’ Diana Waugh knows just how hard it can be to speak to someone with cognitive loss, whether it’s . Waugh is a veteran nurse and a certified dementia practitioner.
“We need to stop looking at [our loved ones] as we always have,” Waugh writes in her book. It will provide us with happy memories of the latter part of their lives.” Our relationship, though different, will be so much more fulfilling. “When we change our expectations, we can find them as they are. We can have meaningful conversations.
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