It will provide us with happy memories of the latter part of their lives.” Our relationship, though different, will be so much more fulfilling. “When we change our expectations, we can find them as they are. We can have meaningful conversations. “We need to stop looking at [our loved ones] as we always have,” Waugh writes in her book.
By saying “no,” the caregiver is hoping, she says, to bring the person back to reality by denying their “erroneous thinking.” But the person they love is living in their own reality, and the caregiver will need to keep saying “no” over and over again, increasing stress on the relationship.
We moved her from the hospital to a board-and-care home run by a compassionate Russian doctor, and she lived there for just one week before passing away. Her health deteriorated quickly, and she soon needed 24-hour care.
Taking away the car keys Many people first tune in to cognitive loss when they realize their loved one can no longer drive safely. But how to get them to give up the keys? You might be tempted to lie and say their car is broken.
It will be a good match.’ He’s not actually competed that much on the tour but, when he has done, he’s always performed really well. I think he’s going to be a top, top player for a long time, providing he stays healthy.
Linette, who reached the semi-finals of the Australian Open, is the highest-ranked player Raducanu has beaten since her run to the title in New York and she played sharp, aggressive tennis after falling 1-4 behind in the opening set.
Carlos Alcaraz, the second-ranked men’s player, defeated qualifier Thanasi Kokkinakis 6-3 6-3, Taylor Fritz, the defending men’s champion, rallied past Ben Shelton 4-6 6-4 6-3, while Jannik Sinner defeated Richard Gasquet 6-3 7-6 (2).
Always have three stories at the ready, Waugh tells clients, and then use them to keep the impacted loved one in the conversation. Bring up those old memories and encourage them to talk about those things.
“Diana also taught me how to answer questions when my mother wonders where my father is,” Qualls said. Diana taught me to enter my mom’s world instead of trying to bring her into my reality.”
Before her illness, she’d always kept up with the news and had strong opinions on politics — even campaigning for John F. Kennedy when he ran for president in the 1960s. She kept her mind active well into her 80s by doing the daily crossword puzzle in her favorite newspaper, The Los Angeles Times, and she loved to discuss new books with me.
If she thought she was watching 60 Minutes on a night it wasn’t on, I was not about to disagree with her. But Alzheimer’s had robbed her of her focus, and often her words. I knew how hard that was for her, how she became frustrated to the point of tears when she couldn’t make herself understood.
She’s spoken to countless caregivers, and produced numerous videos explaining her approach. Since then, Waugh has published a short book, I Was Thinking: Unlocking the Door to Successful Conversations with Loved Ones With Cognitive Loss.
And she encourages caregivers to divert potentially troubling conversations to focus on old memories their loved one can easily discuss, as opposed to trying to quiz them on new information their brains just can’t access. Waugh says she can sum up her philosophy about conversations with them in one phrase: “I’ve got your back.” She also holds strong feelings about the word “no” — saying caregivers shouldn’t use it.
A smart person says, ‘Let’s go anyway.'” “You show up, they’re still in pajamas. “So if you ask [a person with memory loss] to go to lunch with you tomorrow, they put that in the short-term drawer [and it’s forgotten],” Waugh says.
But if you make them mad by telling them “no,” they’ll be mad for the rest of the day, she says. If you can divert the conversation instead, the person will likely forget the diversion in five minutes and happily move on. “‘No’ doesn’t do a darn bit of good,” she says, explaining that the word only angers the loved one.
Instead, she suggests telling them about a scary incident you recently experienced on the roads, or claim you recently got lost while driving. You might also be able to convince them a family member needs to use their car for a while, just to have an excuse for why it’s suddenly inaccessible. These kinds of stories might hit home with someone who’s almost certainly beginning to notice problems.
If it suddenly occurs to them they’ve lost a loved one — even if that happened years ago, you might start off with “I was thinking…” and then relate a happy memory about that loved one’s pie-baking skills.
Tap into long-term memory That’s exactly why Waugh encourages caregivers to tap into their loved one’s long-term memory whenever possible. Her slim book has a number of workbook pages where she encourages people to write down memories they can bring up with their loved one. What did they like to taste?
‘I’ve got your back’ Diana Waugh knows just how hard it can be to speak to someone with cognitive loss, whether it’s . Her business, Waugh Consulting, focuses on giving caregivers and family members the tools to communicate with loved ones suffering from dementia. Waugh is a veteran nurse and a certified dementia practitioner.
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